I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
my liver is dry heaving
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
