if i can run in heels then i can drive
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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