i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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