You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
