You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
