Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
