Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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