Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
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