the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
