She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
