beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
