Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize