It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
and you fell through a lawn chair
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize