I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
