The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
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