Don't you send me to vm
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
