the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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