so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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