I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
