oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I am one with the molecules
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize