I think I am morally bankrupt
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I yelled at your uterus for you.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
