Walk of Shame. In a state park.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
