She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
