Betty ford says i'm here all night
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
