I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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