I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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