I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
