i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
