HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
