i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
