That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
