He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
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