once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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