So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
She tied me up with her honor cords...
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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