Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Randomize
