Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
