Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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