Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize