Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
