News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize