we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Randomize
