My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Randomize