we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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