Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
The Olympian is in my bed
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
