I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
