If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
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