LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
