I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
