I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
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