I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Randomize
