I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
