false alarm. still invincible.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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