just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
