thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Randomize
