I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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