just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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