I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
