i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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