He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
