News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
