Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
The adults are the big ones right?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
