Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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