you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
