a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
