If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
