he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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