sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i think my mom watched the whole time
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
