I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
