I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
