that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
