evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
