Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
