i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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