I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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